No formula that Ethan can tolerate??!!

I have weaned him.  In hope that there's some formula he can take.  First i tried Neocate.  Made me so depressed.  He got hives with it.  He couldn't finish it as it taste yucky.  So i mixed with some apple sauce or banana.  Got hives at his chin.  I almost cried for it.   What's left for us if he can't even tolerate those elemental single amino acid type of formula???!!!!  My GOSH!!!  I'm in such despair.  Then i searched and found some forum.  Some mommies saying Alimentum RTF has no corn.  So we tried.  He was OK for a couple days.  When we go to disney on 24th for Sophie's b-day, on the way back, i fed him this.  He was cranky and cried.  I was thinking maybe it's the nipple that's latex?? So i tried another time with silicone nipple.  Still hives.

I have mixed feelings.  Guilty.  Reluctant to go back to BF with this elimination diet.  But every time E cried Nine Nine... my heart ache.  I don't have enough love to him.  I know love is patience, love endures.  I don't have this quality in me.  I'm selfish.  I just want to eat whatever i want.

Then past 2 days, he seem to have hives to everything he eats.  I tried Elecare first thing in the morning.  Hives.  I gave him Banana, pear, apple oat.  Hives!!!  Coconut milk? Hives.  Millet with chicken and yam?! hives!!!  I don't know what i can feed him anymore.  Poor baby.  Is it the sofa has dust mite?? The dog is too dirty to be around him?!  God, please help me.  I even post on a forum.  Some people say coconut or hemp milk.  Some say relactate.  I want to die.  I regret giving birth to him, to have both of us suffer.  And i regret having this feeling.  I hate myself.  I have allergies.  Why us?!  My life changed.  I know man should not depends on food only.  I'm not being close to God.  I don't have strength.

Yesterday Vic teased that because i'm upset so he skipped fellowship.  I felt unfair.  He just used me to escape... he planned to skipped it for long.  I replied "Yeah, you usually think i'm just crazy".  He said how come i speak like that.  If i do feel this way.  I said yeah, i do sometimes.  I regret saying this.  The fact is that mostly when i'm upset, my face turned black.  Like PMS.  Big bad time.  He usually pretends there's nothing happened or just ignore me.  I was still mad the other day he said i speak mean in the morning.  I hate myself.  I hate this role.  I'm getting depressed.  Felt like want to cry.  I felt this whole food allergy incident just draw us further apart.  He always think i'm just over reacting.  Overly worried.  Yeah, i'm just a negative person.  I can't help it.  he never tried to understand or validate my feelings and my fear.  My despair.  I'm so helpless.  I cannot provide for my baby.  I am not a good mom.  I don't know what to feed him.  I'm scared.  I regret having him.  Though i know God is trying me.  Why in the cost of this poor baby just to train me??!?! 

The fact is, E sleeps better since i made him this asylum jumper, which i sew up the sleeves so he can't scratch himself.  He sleeps 2 hours nap.  Over night as well!! That's a good 10 hours.  And i weaned him at the same time, no more milk (since he got hives on all the brand), and no more breast.  Does it mean he's not hungry?  He got enough nutrients??

I'm torn.  Should i relactate?  I'm a bad mom.  sigh!!!  I don't want to!!!  but i felt compelled to.... SIGH!!!!!

I regret and secretly thinks that it was the past 3-4 months after Dr said i can eat and test him out, that his skin starts to get worse with eczema, and his system went whacked.   Yeah he took my BM without immediate reaction, but delayed reaction of eczema.

We did the blood test on 9months.  Got the same lady who drew his blood last time and I called Helen to pray for us.  It went smoothly... just 1 take.  I was so relief.  And we had to wait almost 3 weeks for his result.  Because Dr said he doesn't have my number over the weekend to tell me his blood was not enough and I have to choose 23 elements to test... then 1 more week of delay.  The waiting period i want to die.  I'm just an impatience person!!

Class 6 being most serious.  Glad there's none.
Class 5: Wheat (I never thought this was it), Shrimp, Crab (Must be i ate so much during the last Pala visit)
Class 4-5: Dust mite (now we can change the carpet upstairs to all laminate... )
Class 4: Dairy, Egg
Class 3: Dog (Cobie?!! What do we do with you)
Class 2: Peanut, Almond
Class 1: Rice (What?!!!? we're Chinese??!) , Soy (only class1?? He was all red and itchy!), corn (I always suspect this!! He was very cranky last time), safflower (all those formula has this safflower oil!!!)
Class 0: Oat, sesame, sunflower oil. codfish (I guess that's why i can still have salmon sushi)

I think the class doesn't mean anything.  He can have delayed response for sure.  Now i fed him too much oat, and maybe now he's no longer tolerate it.  I guess I have to put him on rotation diet.
He scratch himself after taking rice.  But last night i have no choice but cook him rice porridge. 
I hope after his system's clear, i can do alimentum again???!!  God please help us!!!

Now E got sister's croup.  He cough and bark.  He's cranky.  But at least he can sleep better now.... not like before when i BF him.  He slept only 30 mins and was such a light sleeper.  He's loosing weight now. I can see his little cheek is not as puff.  He's not crawling yet.  because i didn't want him to be on the floor with Cobie's hair nor on the carpet.  everything's my fault.  I hindered his development.  But i want to blame the food allergy.  Please don't have asthma.  

We're finally well after 3 different antibiotics

3 weeks ago Sophie started to have fever.  It went away in 3 days, almost had to make her do a blood test.  They did a urine culture test, saying she has UTI but probably it's contaminated.   Then I started to have fever and chill and sore throat.  Went to urgent care they swap tested saying i'm strep throat positive.  Gave me 10 days of amoxicillin and 7 days after, my fever and chill come back, so as sore throat.   So I went to urgent care again.  This time they said strep is negative, gave me augmentin.  2 days later still have fever and chill.  Went back again, and they give me clarithromycin, did a simple blood test.   But then Ethan started to have fever as well.  Blood test result come back, saying it's viral.  Ethan had urine culture, and he had to do blood test because his fever doesn't go away after amoxicilin.  Then they have to do blood test on him.

Went to the first lab, the lady did one poke on his little arm, twisted the needle in it and can't find the vein.   She looked at the lab slips and said "That's a lot of blood",  "It's hard for me to do babies".  She then gave up and told me to go to the hospital across.   Went there, 3 ladies worked on him.  The receptionist was kind of anxious, and saying it's a lot of blood.

Then 2nd lab 3 ladies try and try, after poking the needle in they twist more in order to find the vein.  I have to hold him still in order for the 2 ladies to work on him.  They need lots of blood from him (4 tubes) so after first 3 tubes, the blood is not flowing, and it's so slow, Ethan was from crying loud to making tired crying sound, and I started to cry myself.   The nurses was so nice, they ask if I'm OK and even call Dr Tai if it's OK of not getting enough data.  But then I said just try the other arm too ... i prayed so hard, and Thanks God they found it right away.    Then both his arms were bruised and red afterwards.  I still have to research more about his UTI if it's necessary.  I don't want to see him in pain if not needed.  :P

But the first try at the LapCorp at Henry's Ethan was so brave he didn't cry though.  Just this time for the first arm it took so long to get the blood flowing and he was so cranky, and the process was so slow for first 3 tubes of blood, at first he was crying loud, and they it becomes just making tired cry.  Maybe he wasn't taking enough breast milk.   心痛死!!

Then Ethan was on azithromycin.  Fever still there.  His fever likes to come during/after nap/sleep. I have to wake up every 2 or 3 hours just to check and make sure he doesn't have fever.  So tired and feel like i'm dying.  During the day i didn't get a chance to nap.  Became so cranky.   Then finally Lam Kwan was suggesting if it's UTI i should ask to change med so his fever will be gone.  So after 3 days of azithromycin, Dr Tai gave him Septra.  Mixed of 2 antibiotic, and the fever's finally gone.  I wonder if it's because of UTI fever, or because of Ethan got my bug.  Poor baby.

Then Dr Tai replied my email giving me the name of the test.  I researched a bit, looks like it's not going to be in too much pain except having to do catheter.  I guess I'll have to think twice for the allergy blood test.  However, if it'll be going back to labcrop at Pomoerado with those same ladies, i'd give it a try I guess.

I hate to be in suspend of not knowing exactly what causing Ethan's "food reaction" of rashes, red dots and itching.  Sigh... i'm such a bad mom and it's hard for me to be on diet.

Silhouette SD cutter

Hum... i signed up this blog just wanted to win the silhouette giveaway... i know it's available at Overstock, but it doesn't come with all the nice bundle of transfer paper and such.  I'm waiting for another round.  Wonder if they'll have another giveaway in June or July?!

Ethan's food allergy?? Food reaction?? I'm so confused!!!

Yesterday was Ethan's 6 months check up.  Since his 2nd month, I always thought he has food allergy.  He would have rashes, eczema... always itchy skin, and he scratch himself so bad I have to cover his hands which socks.

Now yesterday, Doctor said allergy is a "heavy word".  He has reaction and might not be the same as allergy.  But wait... isn't you, Doctor, that you told me to eliminate the food suspect??? I've been craving for diary, eggs, shrimps, chocolate... and all of these for 3 or 4 months now... does it mean i can eat whatever I want now?? Horay!!

I went to Henry's and got a carton of eggs right away.... and I made this red bean sticky cake... yum yum.  I ate it... it has egg, condense milk and milk in there.  I ate about a 2 inches square.  Looks like Ethan's fine.... is it true??!!

First Blog

Hum.... i guess i'm a late comer.  everyone having a blog but me.  I'll start my adventure here... let's see how this will lead us.