Tonight, I just saw Ethan shed tears
of sadness and perhaps repent? I hope this will last and maybe I hit the jackpot
and this is right before he turns 3!! You know I was worried that the Chinese
old saying, 3 years of age will determine your character while you’re 80. Ethan
will turn 3 next week! I was kind of subconsciously worried what he will turn
into!
I was helping them shower together
(I know I should have separated them since Sophie’s already 6 … but…. Oh well….
It’s late and we got to go to bed very soon!)
Ethan was fighting spot with Sophie
at the tub and complaint Sophie was at his spot. In fact they were fighting
during dinner for their toys.
He was always cranky and mean as
always. He always say mean things to sister and to us. His face looks so
annoyed and irritated, that makes me started to get irritated
too!
But this time I tried to be calm. I
don’t remember how the conversation goes exactly.
When I dried them in towels, I
started to calmly say something like, see how Joyce Gu Ma loves daddy. Daddy is
Gu Ma’s little brother. Daddy loves his big sister, and obeys sister. So Joyce
Go Ma loves daddy. See Grandma already died and goes to heaven. Sister Joyce
takes care of Daddy. When we go back to HK Auntie Joyce let Daddy sleeps in her
room, and Gu Ma loves you too! One day when mommy die only you and sister will
be left alone. Or if mommy go to work you and sister will be at home. You will
need sister’s help so you better be good to your sister. Ethan goes, “If mommy
goes to work then daddy stays home with me”. I told him what if both mommy and
daddy need to work? Or if mommy is sick and can’t help you do things? You have
to love and help each other. We are family, so we have to start learning to
love our family. Who is your family? Mommy, Daddy, Sister, Cobie! If you don’t
know how to love your family, when you grow up, when it’s time for you to find a
girl you like, and want her to be your wife, the girl will see how you mistreat
your sister, how you’re mean to your parents. Then no one will want to marry
you and be your wife. Then you’ll be alone.
Ethan’s face starts to look so sad
and he starts to cry silently. Tears just roll down his sad little face. No
words. No fighting words at all. I never saw him cry like this before. He
always yell or talk back when he cries. He cries when he’s cranky, when he’s
afraid, when he’s tired or upset, when he wants his way. This time the way he
cries is different. I would say his expression is priceless. I can see this
literally troubles his little soul. (Am I such a mean mommy??!! I make my
little boy emotionally suffer!)
I feel a little bit of gladness,
maybe some victory. I wonder if that is the Holy Spirit starting to work in his
little mind. I tried to comfort him immediately. I kiss him and wipe his
tears. Telling him it’s OK, God and Jesus will help you to be good if you want
to. If you’re really sorry of being so mean all the time, tell our Heavenly
Father that you’re sorry. Jesus and Heavenly father will surely help you. Then
you will become a nice person. Everyone will want to be with you. Then you
won’t be alone. Whenever you are bad, just remember to tell God you’re sorry,
so Jesus can help you. So you have to invite Jesus to be in your heart OK?! (I
don’t really know how much he understands).
I want to make sure I understand why
he cried, so I asked him why he cried. He said he doesn’t want to be left
alone. I hope he is not crying just because he’s afraid, afraid of being
alone. Now as an after thought… maybe this is my fault. It isn’t healthy to
feel being abandoned?! Am I threatening him?? That his mommy will leave him
one day in such young age?! Maybe I’m implanting a sense of insecurity to his
little mind??!!
After this conversation, I can see
his face and heart has softened. Maybe he was still troubled and worried. But
he is literally feeling sad! I hope he’s feeling sad and sorry for himself!
After this he looked so much tamed. He lost all is meanness and fierceness.
Tamed as a little lamb he kissed Sister good night. When Daddy came to join he
told daddy he will be good to daddy because he doesn’t want to be alone. (He
was just cranky to Daddy right before we go to shower). I feel like it’s
magic. Magic dust of God just changed my mean and cranky fierce little boy~!
180 degree! Hooray!! I hope this will last!!!
Thanks for all your prayers! I
think God did give me wisdom for today. Just a while ago he was cranky during
dinner, I was able to use the Gummy Bear (vitamin) in his tummy as a “weapon”.
I told him, your Gummy Bears in your tummy will fight and make your tummy hurt
if you don’t be good. (I know it’s a violation of threatening!). When he
refused to drink his soy milk, I told him, “Gummy Bear is waiting in your tummy
to take a shower!!” When he didn’t want to finish his meat or broccoli, I told
him his Gummy Bear wants the broccoli as a tree to climb. And the meat will be
Gummy Bear’s little sheep! Then he ate them all!! It works like a charm! I
ask him why he’s so good to his Gummy Bear in his tummy and not obeying mommy.
I know I might have already violated
all the parenting code of using threat or even unintentional psychological
manipulation?! However, I started to see more into my own son. He might just
have a very fragile little soul. He might be just like a little dog who put on
the mean armor to protect himself. Because he’s afraid of being rejected. He
has thin face. May God help me to see and understand both Sophie and Ethan
more. I pray that I can be observant to both and have the wisdom to teach them
accordingly. I admit I’m totally at fault. I didn’t see the real side of my
own kids. I just dislike them of their outward behavior. I never really think
or investigate why they act the way they are. When I think of Ethan as of this
morning, I only see the picture of him being cranky. That greatly irritates me
and boy I really think I don’t have any more patience and love for this little
crazy guy anymore! I just felt so tired and burdened. I don’t want to be a mom
as I told you guys earlier!! I became so much like my own mom. I never really
look into their emotional level. I pray for God’s forgiveness, and pray that I
have wisdom from Him to understand more of my own kids and myself. I pray that
I learn to respect them as God’s creation and custody. I guess my problem is
too much into controlling their outer behavior to suite my “needs”. I guess
after this little incident, I have a good discovery. I always just felt so
annoyed and irritated at Ethan once he starts to get cranky. I never really
think deeper but just can’t help myself to get annoyed as he is, and this
viscous cycle just goes on and on. I hope I can stay calm and look “INTO” him
deeper. Have really more love and patience. Not for my own good but for his
good.
Thank you so much for your support
and prayer dear sisters. I know this is a long email… but I just couldn’t
resist to share!
